League of Jurassic Gentlemen
by Trinn
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if you crossed Jurassic Park with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? ... No? Do you want to find out anyway? Of course you do! Then join our friends in their search for new members, a way to kill the dinosaurs,
1. Ghost is Back

**League of Jurassic Gentlemen** - Trinn   
**Chapter 1: Ghost is Back**

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The vampire Mina held up Dorian's portrait and ripped off the cover. Dorian Gray, pinned to the wall rather uncomfortably by his own sword, stared in fascinated horror at the hideous creature staring back at him from the canvas. Soon Dorian's eyes were fixed on the picture, unable to look away, and he began to scream. He felt his face melting and dissolving, too old to leave even a skull. 

With his throat gone, it was hard to scream. But Dorian could still feel the rest of his body evaporating painfully, turning to ash before his blackened eyes. Then it was done, and he could suddenly see everything quite clearly and without any pain. He stared at Mina in a detatched sort of way as she snorted triumphantly and strode quickly away around the corner. _What was she so happy about?_

Dorian looked down at himself, curious about what had happened. Ashes on the floor... but that wasn't him. His usual gray-jacketed self seemed silvery and translucent, and this worried him but not overly so. He stepped away from the wall experimentally and found that he was free of the sword. Dorian examined the sword closely and found that it looked the same as ever, except for the fact that it was stuck in a wall rather oddly, and he grasped its handle to pull it out. It was quite a bit heavier than he had remembered. 

The dead immortal shrugged and shucked the sword into a scabbard he had buckled at his waist. He looked around the bedroom and laughed at the sword slashes in the curtains. He had never liked those curtains, and he thought the gaping holes to be a big improvement. The bed had a gash in the mattress surrounded by blood; that was from Mina. He had pinned her there before she had surprised him. Imagine, surprising an immortal. 

Dorian remembered something very important to him... something he had to betray the rest of the League to get back... he spun around and looked into his own face. The portrait had apparently been restored, for Dorian's own features looked back at him arrogantly from the canvas, mouth smirking at something that Dorian didn't see. 

He felt suddenly very angry with the portrait and with all the pain and problems it had caused him throughout the course of his long life. Impulsively he drew his sword again and slashed at the picture, cutting an ugly gash across his own flawless features. He brought it down again, harder this time, and the canvas fell apart in two pieces which immediately curled and shriveled and blackened and, at last, turned to dust. Dorian felt triumphant and free without his sins staring coldly at him wherever he turned, and he felt his own mouth curve into the arrogant smirk that had previously belonged to the lifeless creature who had mirrored him in all but his age -- and now would trouble him no more. 

Dorian's gaze drifted to the second dark spot on the floor, the small pile of his own ashes, and the smirk slowly faded. He was dead, he knew that. Was this normal? For your spirit stay in the world after your body has gone forever? 

Dorian Gray, the immortal, had died at last. But he wasn't going anywhere.


	2. Time Machine

**League of Jurassic Gentlemen** - Trinn   
**Chapter 2: Time Machine**

The old man used to be a ballet dancer. He never did have much of a mind for science. That was why it had been so hard for him to build the time machine. 

The man's name was Johnny Minonic, and he was standing next to the first and only successful time machine ever created. Johnny scratched his head with one black-greased finger as he examined his work. Yes, it was a fully-functional time machine, and it had enough buttons to confuse an airline pilot. 

_This is going to be interesting,_ Johnny thought nervously as he climbed inside, buckled his seatbelt securely, returned the food tray to its regular upright position, and began poking at the dashboard. _Darnit, I should have labeled these things!_ As Johnny pushed random buttons, various unexplainable things happened: the windshield wipers began spraying purple toothpaste on all the windows, little mechanical gnomes came out to clean off the purple spray with greenish tongues, the big red light on the top of the machine started flashing madly, and a foghorn began bellowing in a fashion similar to the shriekings of a rare mountain goat as it is slowly blugeoned to death with a dead herring. 

"Hmmm..." Johnny sat back and merely looked at the dashboard setup, rather than touching it and risking accidentally hitting the self-destruct button that he had so cleverly disguised as every one of the other un-labeled orange keys. He held his hand, palm down, directly above the board and closed his eyes. He began humming "Wonderful Tonight" in a Yoga-master-on-a-mountaintop-trying-to-meditate sort of way. His hand started to quiver, tipping back and forth slightly. He hummed louder. Johnny's hand suddenly slammed down in a fist on one of the buttons and his eyes flew open. 

The time machine suddenly lit up from the inside as the monitors flashed on, all operations go. Something booped on one of the screens, and the time machine began to spin around sickeningly, faster and faster and faster -- then it stopped suddenly, landing on the ground a foot below with a loud thunk. 

Looking around, Johnny found himself and his machine suddenly somewhere else. He scratched his head again and pulled out the handy instruction manual. "Let's see... Chapter 567: Where are you now... page 8000042." He flipped to a page near the center of the book and began reading. 

"Where are you now? A mini-guidebook for the scientifically inept. Have you gone to the past? You can only go into the past to specific times where nothing you do will matter. There are only three of these in the past, so it will be very easy to tell where you are from the following descriptions: 

"1. You are at the beginning of time. You see nothing, hear nothing, and most likely are nothing. Nothing is happening and nothing will happen for several million years, when you will eventually be transported back to the future. Have a nice day! 

"2. You are in the time of the dinosaurs. Near you is a dinosaur about to blow up, catch fire, and sink into the tar pit beside your time machine. Another dinosaur to your right is about to get ejected into space by an extremely powerful volcanic blast. If you do anything to these dinosaurs it won't matter because in five minutes they will pretty much have never existed. These creatures are the first of their kind, and the last. Do as you will, but when the five minutes are up you will be transported back to the present. 

"3. You are at your prom. You can do anything you like, but that girl still won't dance with you. You will be transported back at midnight." 

The book went on to describe various scenes in the future where Johnny might be, which were mostly speculations that lasted for several thousand pages, but he didn't bother reading any of those. This was because of the big blue-skinned reptilian creature staring in through the windshield of his time machine. "Ooh..." said Johnny quietly, "ooh dear..." 

A smarter man might have left the dinosaurs alone and waited quietly to be transported back to the future, but Johnny was a ballet dancer and not a scientist, so he decided he would have to take the dinosaurs with him. His reasoning was, "Why not?" and that seemed to be good enough for him so he popped open the trunk on his time machine (by some miracle he found the right button on the first try) and proceeded to load the dinosaurs into it. 

How could he have fit two fully grown dinosaurs in his trunk? 

Umm... we'll just call it "magic." 


	3. Mina Loses It

**League of Jurassic Gentlemen** - Trinn   
**Chapter 3: Mina Loses It**

Wilhelmina Harker, former wife of the late Jonathan Harker, slumped distractedly in her favorite armchair and tried to focus on the words in front of her. She couldn't remember what book she was reading, but she _had_ been reading it (or at least the same five lines of it) over and over for the past half hour. 

She gave up. Tossing the book to the floor, she stared out the rain drenched window at the gloomy London world outside. It had been raining straight for a week now. This wasn't unusual, but it was depressing for a vampire who always had to go out to eat. 

Maybe she was hungry. And that's why she couldn't focus on anything. Mina sighed and turned away from the window, curling into the chair. It had once been Jonathan's. Remembering him, she also remembered her old friends and the hope they had given her for that short time when they thought they would be able to save her humanity. Van Helsing had been so kind to her, so understanding of it all. They had gathered all their papers and clues together after Lucy's "death," and Van Helsing had led them to her grave where the true horrors of immortality had awaited them. Now Lucy really was dead, and so was Jonathan, Van Helsing, and everyone else. They weren't murdered, though; they had died from old age. Growing old while Mina stayed unchanged. 

She remembered her utter disappointment when Van Helsing discovered that _once a vampire, always a vampire_ and Mina would have to learn to live on the blood of others. Jonathan had never been the same with her after that, although she always killed those who were less than innocent themselves, and she had never lost her reason as Lucy had. 

Then Jonathan had died, and she had lost all hope. That is, until the League came along and offered her a chance at redeeming herself in her own mind. Surely, saving an entire country would make up for all the thieves and murderers she had killed to slake her thirst. But the League had betrayed her too. And Dorian. But she had made him pay for his betrayal. 

A knock on the heavy door of her empty mansion house brought her back. She blinked a few times before realizing what the sound had been, then, hearing the knock again, got up slowly and headed for the entrance hall. Faced with the heavy door, Mina wished she were taller so that she could see out of the decorative glass windows at the top. With no spy hole, she could only imagine what was waiting impatiently for her out in the rain. 

She pulled open the door. 

Standing just outside, dripping wet under her small porch overhang, was a tall, cleft-chinned man who was wiping his eyeglasses on the inside lining of his coat. As Mina opened the door he looked up, and smiled broadly at her before pushing his way inside. "Mina! Mina Harker, how are you? Or is it Murray again?" 

Flustered, Mina slammed the door and hurried after him. "Harker is fine. But who are _you_, sir? I don't believe we've met." She gripped his arm until he stopped moving down the hall. He looked down at her, bemused. 

"Oh, no, I don't think we have either. So let me introduce myself." He turned to face her, draping his coat over one arm and holding the other hand out towards Mina. "Clark Kent. And I'm here on behalf of the LXG." 

Mina stared at him. "The LXG? The League of Extraordinary Gentleman?" Clark Kent, an American by the sound of him, was distracted as he looked around for somewhere to put his coat. Mina grabbed it and tossed it to the side. "What do you mean, the League of Extraordinary Gentleman?" 

Clark glanced disapprovingly at the pile of coat on the floor, but then looked back to Mina with a sigh. "Just what I mean. It's been... reawakened, as it were. Rejuvinated. Reanimated. Et cetera. Brought back." 

"By who, exactly?" 

"The president of the United States!" 

This was obviously meant to impress Mina, but she said nothing until Clark elaborated. 

"You see, they've been having some problems with... well, um... see..." 

"With _what_?" 

"With... dinosaurs." 

"_What?!_" 

"Yeah. Apparently someone invented a time machine, zipped back to the age of the dinosaurs, and brought two of them back here! And, the dinosaurs seem to really like each other, so there have been a few complications. Over a hundred baby dinosaurs running rampant everywhere. It's disgusting." 

"Disgusting?" 

"You know... reptiles... like snakes... slimy creatures skittering around..." Clark shuddered. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "And, you know, they're killing people." 

Mina sighed coldly. "And they want me to do what?" 

Clark eyed her carefully. "Suck their blood?" 


End file.
